


Million Reasons

by The_man_with_the_key



Series: Life Sentence [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, CFS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Illness, Fluff, Hurt, M/M, ME - Freeform, Myaligic Encephalomilitis, sick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-06 10:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12815757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_man_with_the_key/pseuds/The_man_with_the_key
Summary: I, the author, suffer from a condition called Myalgic Encephalomilitis, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Mormor is my favourite pairing, and therefore I decided to use them for my story. I want to show what effect CFS/ME can actually have on someones life... So this is my story, told through the eyes of James Moriarty...





	1. Sick...

**Author's Note:**

> This is an accurate representation written by someone who suffers ME/CFS, Depression, Anxiety, Paranoia and severe body issues. My symptoms are different to others, so please remember that this is just my experiences with these illnesses, and they may not effect everyone in the same way.

[Copied from NHS website]

Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is a long-term illness with a wide range of symptoms. The most common symptom is extreme tiredness.  
CFS is also known as ME, which stands for myalgic encephalomyelitis. There's some debate over the correct term to use for the condition, but these pages will refer to it as CFS/ME.  
CFS/ME can affect anyone, including children. It's more common in women, and tends to develop between your mid-20s and mid-40s.


	2. Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim isn't well and Sebastian wishes he could help...

Sebastianhad been sat outside the doctor's office for al **m** ost half an hour. Jim had gotten sick almost eight months ago, and no amount of medication was helping. It had started out as Tonsillitis, and he was given some painkillers and antibiotics to help. This meant that he had missed two weeks of school, and Jim was supposed to be choosing hisGCSEsubjects soon, so the extra stress of being ill wasn't helping. His mother had forced him to go back once the antibiotics were used up, but Sebastian could tell that something still wasn't right. 

Jimwas paler than usual, and was quickl **y** loosing more weight than he gained. He was hardly eating and there were large bags under his eyes. Jim cl **a** imed it was just because he was still getting over the illness, but two weeks later things hadn't improved. 

After a **l** most three weeks, Jim got sick again. Once again the doctor's just wrote it off as Tonsillitis so Jim was given antibiotics once again and some more painkillers. Jim was once again kept off of school, which was starting to annoy him more than anything. He hated missing school, and he was bored being in bed all day. Thankfully Sebastian's family didn't mind him using their Netflix account to watch movies, which had been the only **g** ood thing really... Though Sebastian wasn't allowed to visit him since they were afraid he might get sick too. This only caused Jim to become more anxious to go back to school. 

When J **i** m finally got over the second bout of Tonsillitis he was allowed to go back to school. It was the week they were to pick their GCSE subjects and Jim was afraid he would miss it, thankfully he was able to go in the day before, and therefore managed to make it to the meeting the next day, though he still seemed quite sick. Sebastian noticed how he struggled to pay attention, and looked like he was about to fall asleep. He seemed to struggle a little as he walked, almost as it was a **c** hore and his body was too heavy for him to move. He continued to lose weight and he hardly ate anything at lunch, forcing himself to eat more than just half a sandwich. 

Jim chose Art, History and Drama, he had always had a flair for dramatics, so Sebastian had pushed him to pick it. Seb picked P.E, History and Geography, and therefore he and Jim only had four lessons together. Math, **E** nglish, History and French (Which they were forced to take.) 

Only a month passed this time, and Jim once again got sick. The doctor sent him for a blood test this time, finding it odd that he had gotten sick agai **n**. This time was worse though. Jim's neck swelled due to the way his tonsils reacted, his cheeks were a little chubbier and somehow he managed to get paler. The pain was so bad he could hardly swallow, and due to the swelling he **c** ould barely eat, even swallowing the painkillers and antibiotics were a struggle. The results of the blood test showed that he had MONO, not Tonsillitis, and therefore the antibiotics weren't actually doing anything. Ther **e** was nothing anyone could do. 

Jim was tired and in a lot of pain, he couldn't talk and was rushed into hospital several times over the next two weeks because the swelling meant he couldn't breath. That was when things seemed to take a turn for the worse. Jim wasn't allowed into school, and when he was he wasn't allowed to be alone. He always felt dizzy and fainted twice while they were walking in the corridors, thankfully Sebastian caught him though. He struggled to remember things, and he was constantly trying to stay awake once again. His body seemed to always be in **p** ain, and headaches became a frequent occurrence, meaning Jim would usually end up in a dark room after school, fast asleep. 

Eight months later and Jim didn't seem to be making much of an improvement. He hadn't been to school in weeks, and Sebastian was starting to miss his friend, so when he was asked to come to the appointment he couldn't turn him down. So now Jim was sat with his mother and the doctor as Sebastian waited outside for them to get a diagnosis. 

**H** e was worried about Jim, and hated seeing how this was effecting him. Jim now slept from eleven o'clock at night, until four o'clock the next day, but that was only if Seb visited. If Sebastian didn't visit he would sleep until six, then he would eat his dinner, and be back in bed by eleven and fast asleep only a few minutes later. His body hurt overtime he moved, especially after long periods of time being awake. He never seemed to be **a** ble to focus on something very long, and gave up reading. He claimed the words got all jumbled up as he was reading and he could never remember what had previously happened. 

The bags under his eyes grew darker, and he never felt **l** ike he had actually rested, even after the sixteen hours of sleep he'd gotten. He felt drained just from walking to the bathroom, and he started to miss being around his friend. He was left alone all day since his parents worked, and Richard was in school. He had no one to talk to all day, and when they were home he was usually asleep. 

Jim stopped having good days and he slowly stopped going to school, only appearing for one or tw **o** days a week. He never went to Sebastian's house anymore, and he didn't go out on the weekends. This caused the school to start getting annoyed since Jim was their best student. They began threatening his parents and he became depressed and stressed, which only made the illness worse. His parents started to threaten him, bribing him to go into school. They never saw how bad Jim was, not really. He hid it from them, knowing they had enough to deal with. He began to get anxiety, every time he went to school people would stare at him. They'd ask questions and he didn't know how to answer. Teachers snarled at hi **m** , and made harsh comments and he was bullied more than usual. 

Sebastian was Jim's safe space. Sebastian didn't judge him. Sebastian visited, and would refuse to wake Jim up if he was asleep when he got there. He'd put the tele on quietly or play a game on his phone while he waited for his bo **y** friend to wake up. They'd then watch films, or listen to music, or just talk. They never did much else, knowing that Jim's little body couldn't take it. Sebastian would make them drinks and get their dinner, and he'd tell Jim about his day, and Jim would listen and cuddle up to him. 

School work wasn't sent home to Jim so he was falling behind, and his GCSE's were coming up in a year's time. This only added to his anxieties, and yet they still didn't know what was causing **a** ll these symptoms. He'd done four blood tests and been given a few more medications, but none seemed to help. 

So here they were with a new doctor, waiting to find out what was wrong.

***

Jim sat across from the doctor, his sleeves pulled over his hands as he stared at the floor. He'd been given the diagnosis ten minutes ago and he had tuned out the rest of the conversation. He had been given a **l** ife sentence of sorts, and his heart had broken the second he'd heard it. It wasn't an illness that he was familiar with, but from the name he knew everything he needed to. 

The d **o** ctor was trying to get a response from him now, but Jim was too lost in his mind to reply. He refused to let this be right, but he knew there was nothing else it could be. He felt his anxiety flair up, and anger was bubbling just beneath his skin. This could not be right, he was Jim Moriarty he couldn't have an illness like this! What would Sebastian think? They wouldn't be able to do all those things they had planned, since Ji **m** would probably sleep through them. 

This wasn't possible. 

He felt tears pricking at his eyes, but blinked them awa **y** , refusing to show any weakness. He didn't need help. His whole world seemed to crash around him as he started to listen to the doctor **a** gain. 

"Headaches, joint pains, constant fatigue, insomnia, irritabi **l** ity, inability to concentrate on anything for too long, depression, anxiety, swelling of glands, not feeling as though you've rested. These are all symptoms, and unfortunately, this illness is incurable. **I** n five years you may not experience all of these symptoms, or you could get worse, or you could simply just get better, but for the time being we are going to just focus on pacing. You need to learn..."

He **t** uned out again, not wanting to hear anymore. This was worse than a death sentence. He wouldn't be able to go to the park without getting tired, to do some shopping, to go the cinema. He wouldn't have a l **i** fe anymore, not really. And that hurt Jim the most. 

Thi **s** was his life now. Tired. In pain. And alone. 

 

"You have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's not very well written, this is just an introduction, summary sort of chapter. So I promise things will get more interesting from here on out, but like I said this is my reality and it's the only way I can write it.


End file.
